The Moral Choice

Unless you've been living under a rock lately, or avoiding Facebook for the sake of your sanity, I'm sure you've seen all of the pro-life propaganda that has been flooding the media, thanks to Donald Trump's incredibly inaccurate (and irresponsible, if you ask me) description of late term abortion. One of my favorites is this one that popped up across my news feed multiple times yesterday:

I'll be honest, I couldn't bring myself to read the actual article. But you can clearly see, it's an article saying that Hillary Clinton is telling people to deny their Christianity and their beliefs to support abortion. 

Now, I realize that many of my followers do not believe in God. And that's fine, that's their choice (see what I did there?). I, on the other hand, grew up in church and had a deacon for a father. I don't go to church anymore, but I still consider myself God-fearing. With that being said, I thought this would be an interesting topic to explore.

Many of you know that I have not always been pro-choice. I used to be, what I would now consider, a pro-life whacko. I wasn't out protesting at clinics, I wasn't sending death threats, but MAN, the topic would get me heated. Looking back, I realize that I only felt that way because that's the way my mind was programmed growing up. I'm certainly not blaming this on religion, but those were my parents' beliefs and it takes kids a while to make up their own minds on complex issues. When I first began to question those pro-life beliefs, the biggest hurdle was my faith. My church had taught me that abortion was wrong. No ifs, ands, or buts. When I think back on it now, I can pick out a few instances where abortion wasn't wrong for a few members of our church because apparently their cases were the exception (funny how that works, huh?). But regardless, I still believed in God, I still believed in the idea of Christianity. How could I be okay with abortion? So the internal struggle began.

Now, the article I previously referenced, states that we the people must deny our faith and any Christian values that we may have, in order to support abortion. I'm not having it. As someone raised in the church, I'm fairly familiar with the Bible. And when my internal struggle began, so to speak, I did some poking around on this exact topic. Let me make one thing clear: THERE IS NOT ONE SINGLE SCRIPTURE THAT SPECIFICALLY CONDEMNS ABORTION. NOT ONE. What the Bible does specifically reference is the sanctity of life. So let's examine this. Here are a few scriptures that many pro-lifers like to use in reference to abortion:

Jeremiah 1:5 : Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you, before you were born, I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.

This does not reference abortion, but the sanctity of life. It clearly means that every life matters. And it does. I have never met a woman who has had an abortion that did not recognize the gravity of her decision. Whether she believes that the fetus she's terminated is "alive" or a person or what have you, she understands the gravity. She understands the potential of what is growing inside of her. My personal interpretation of this scripture is that it is to provide comfort for those who find themselves feeling lost or obsolete. I'm not sure why many pro-lifers see the word "womb" and automatically relate it to abortion.

Isaiah 49:15 : Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! 

I think this scripture speaks for itself. I'm honestly not sure how this gets brought into the abortion debate. If a baby is at it's mother's breast, it has already been born, eliminating the correlation to abortion. Am I the only one who sees this as a reference to neglected living children? Again, in my opinion, this is a scripture meant to comfort those who need it.

Psalm 127:3 : Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him.

Kids are great! I have three of my own and they make my life so much fuller than I ever thought possible. Boom. That's it.

I'd like to point out that while all of these scriptures specifically referencing the sanctity of life, no Christian is out supporting Syrian refugees, protesting the death penalty for murderers, or working to improve things for single mothers with new babies. Instead, I'm seeing Christian protesting Syrian refugees, pushing the government to expedite executions, and shaming single mothers for being on welfare. Funny how that works, isn't it?

So we've looked at the Biblical side of it, or at least part of it (I don't have time to blog all of the times that the Bible references children). Let's examine a few scenarios:

• A little girl is raped. Through absolutely no choice of her own, she becomes pregnant. Carrying this pregnancy means compromising her body that is not mature enough to support a pregnancy...which could easily lead to difficulty carrying wanted pregnancies later in life. It also means compromising her mental health, which could result in suicide (a sin, according to the Bible). It is immoral to force her to carry the pregnancy. Bottom line. There is no question as to whether or not this warrants an abortion.

• A woman, married, gets pregnant by her abusive husband. She fears for the baby's life once it's born. There's a good chance that this child will die regardless of the decision made. It can be abused and murdered after birth where there is no doubt that it will feel every second of suffering that it endures, OR, this woman can go to a clinic and have an abortion early in her pregnancy where the fetus will feel nothing. Again, no question of morality here.

• A young couple decides it's time to expand their family and they get pregnant. 20 weeks into the pregnancy, they learn that the baby the woman is carrying has Turner's syndrome, which means it's kidney's aren't functioning, it has cardiac defects, and the lungs are effected. There is no chance that their baby will survive long after birth. And while it is alive, it will struggle. It will be in pain. And it will greatly impact the parents to watch their child suffer and die in their arms. Which is worse? Euthanizing the fetus and ending the pregnancy, or carrying to term and watching their baby die? Again, in my mind, there is no question.

These are all extreme cases, but they happen daily. Making a baby is not a perfect science. And relationships aren't always as happy and easy as they should be. Real people find themselves in these very real situations on a regular basis. However unfortunate it may be, that's our reality. And for these extreme cases alone, we cannot allow abortion to become illegal. And many Christians who consider themselves pro-life support abortion in most of these cases.

So what about the "other" abortions? The majority of abortions. Then it becomes a different kind of moral issue. If you don't support it, that's fine. But women will find a way to terminate unwanted pregnancies, regardless of whether or not they're legal. Is it moral for a Christian to fight to outlaw abortion while knowing that women and girls will die trying to terminate their pregnancies, whether it be due to DIY abortion methods or going to unsafe providers? No. It is not moral, by any stretch of the imagination, to outlaw something that will force parents to lose their daughters, children to lose their mothers, and husbands to lose their wives. And if you, as a Christian, can't wrap your mind around that, wrap it around this: Separation of Church and State:

(Referenced in the First Amendment of the United States Constitution): 

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof..."

(Shockingly enough, this does not only apply to the Muslim faith, but to all of us.)

As always, any feedback is welcome. And please feel free to share!

Because Life Doesn't Always Offer a Trigger Warning

A few months ago, while clearing out an old email, I came across some old emails from 2010 that included images. Eager to see if it was old baby pictures of my littles or some pictures from a drunken girl's night, I opened it.

Suddenly, it was 2010 and I was back in that cold bathroom. I could hear the video games being played in the next room. I could feel my hands shaking, head throbbing, face on fire, and the panic of trying to document the situation with pictures as quickly as I could before he caught me. I was back on that bed, curled up and crying with the door locked, hoping that he didn't try to come in. I was 23 years old with the weight of the world on my shoulders.

I couldn't believe what I was looking at. I didn't recognize the girl in those pictures, but I felt her. I felt her pain and her fear. I felt her hopelessness, I felt her desperation. I knew this girl all too well. My mouth fell open and I immediately felt those all-too-familiar knots in my stomach. Within seconds, I had to run to the bathroom to throw up. And after that, there were tears...lots of them. It was so hard to wrap my mind around the fact that I was looking at my former self. And my former self....she was a trainwreck. If you told me 6 years ago that I'd be sitting half way across the country, looking at these pictures, and trying to process the fact that this was me, I wouldn't have even laughed. I would have been angry at you for tempting me with such an impossible idea.

I don't know that girl anymore. It's hard for me to fathom that she ever existed. But she did, and the indention in my forehead, the scar on my shoulder, and the knot on the bridge of my nose all prove it. I was, at one time, the girl I always told myself I'd never be. I was a statistic. I came out of it, not only alive, but swinging. Hard. And you know what the scariest part is? Until the very moment that I opened those emails, the only person in the world who knew about them (other than me), was the girlfriend that I sent them to for safe keeping. My family didn't know. My abusive partner didn't know. My neighbors didn't know. Because that's what domestic violence does...it isolates you. It lies to you and tells you that you deserve it. It reminds you how alone you are and how little anyone cares. Domestic violence is a cunt, plain and simple. And the only way to get ahead of her is to talk. Talk to your best friend, talk to you family, talk to a therapist, a doctor, a stranger...it doesn't matter. You have to break out of that cycle of destructive thinking and convince yourself that you are NOT alone, you do NOT deserve it, you ARE worthy of help, you are worthy of a life, you are worthy of security...and you CAN pull yourself out of it, because no one else can do it for you. Take a look at some of these stats (courtesy of the Huffington Post):

4,772,000 -The number of women in the US who experiences physical violence by an intimate partner every year.

1 in 4 - The number of women who will be victims of severe violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime. 

1 in 7 - The number of men who will be victims of severe violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime. 

Worldwide, men who were exposed to physical violence as children are three to four times more likely to perpetrate intimate partner violence as adults than men that did not experience domestic violence abuse as children. 

I wish I could post a step-by-step of how to survive...how to break the cycle, or even how to grow the pair that you're going to need in order to save yourself (because it won't be easy). But honestly, I can't remember. That whole period of my life is such a blur. Partly because I drank a good bit at night to numb the pain, both physical and emotional, and partly because I'm just now beginning to realize that I am damn good at putting things out of my mind when I don't want to deal with them.

For now, I can do a few things. I can share the pictures here. I can talk here. I can throw it all out into the abyss of the interwebs and hope that someone, somewhere will read it and realize that she (or he) is strong enough to survive. I certainly did not experience abuse in it's worst forms. In fact, I'm lucky compared to many, many women. But the ugly truth is that it still happened. And the uglier truth is that while this post does include one, real life doesn't always come with a trigger warning. A lot of times, life decides to knock you on your ass and watch you squirm when you least expect it.

**TRIGGER WARNING**

The following pictures were not from the same occurrence, they weren't even from the worst of them. But they're the ones that I had the guts to document. The ones of my face were from being headbutted and slapped after an argument related to an affair (I still have a knot on my breast bone from being kicked in the sternum after I fell down) and the others were months later, after having an empty car seat thrown at me when I walked away from an argument. #RealLoveDoesntHurt

This shit doesn't necessarily get easier to deal with. It still hurts to know that I was in that position. It's still scary to think that it could happen again with someone else. And it still has the power to leave my stomach in knots when it crosses my mind from time to time. But here I am, confronting it and sharing it with you guys in the hopes that it will help someone else confront it as well. 

If you are a victim, or suspect that someone else is, please reach out. The following resources were found by doing a simple google search of "Domestic Violence Hotline":

• You can TEXT the Crisis Text Line at 741741. Just text "go". You will receive a return text with their terms of service. You let them know what's on your mind, and then set you up with a crisis counselor via text. I texted them myself to see how it all worked. This is a great option if you're a little scared to reach out. The texting option still leaves a bit of a barrier. It's free, 24/7, and confidential.
• The National Domestic Violence Hotline offers tons of resources. And what I really like is that when you visit the website, you immediately see the following pop-up:

• The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence: This website provides a red pop up in the lower right hand corner of the screen that reads :Safety Exit. Quickly exit the site if in danger. (Yes, people, it is that serious) Visit this page for resources.

The Incident

Earlier last year, I was scrolling through Facebook when an article caught my eye. The headline read "I Named my Rapist on the Internet". It was an intriguing read and an even more intriguing idea.

If you've been a long time reader, you may remember that in 2014, I posted an article about becoming a statistic in that area, myself. It was so intimidating to have it out there, I removed the post a few days later. I just couldn't bare seeing it in black and white. I couldn't handle the idea that I had given him power by acknowledging it. I couldn't face it at all. It probably didn't help that I had posted it within a month of the incident. But since I read that article last year, I've noticed a few things:

1. I still refer to it as "the incident". I have a real issue giving it the power of calling it the "R" word.

2. My "incident" and the millions of "incidents" that happen on a yearly basis is a huge topic in the area of feminism and I haven't been able to stomach posting it on my own feminism-based blog.

3. Once I get to the point in a relationship that I have to explain that "hey, you can't do that...it's a trigger", I feel the need to apologize, regardless of how patient and kind-hearted the guy in question may be.

4. The relationship complications, the fairly common nightmares, and the self loathing I tend to feel from time to time pale in comparison to the guilt that I feel over not turning him in.

5. It's time to face it.

The idea of naming your rapist is a matter of accountability, of letting go, and of releasing yourself as a victim. Rape is taboo. There are so many questions. For example, the night after it happened, my best friend (who happens to be a nurse at an abortion clinic) and I were in her kitchen talking and I asked the only question that was bouncing around in my mind: Was it really a rape if I didn't scream?

I don't know how it happens, but sometime during that God-awful event, a seed of doubt is placed in our minds, as if somehow we're to blame. It's a heavy feeling, wondering if you even have the right to label it a rape. But finally, after 2.5 years, after spending endless hours milling over every single detail of that night in my mind over and over again, I'm comfortable with the idea that yes, I was raped. I was violated. I said no. I tried to talk sense into him by naming every reason in the book that we shouldn't be having sex. I pushed as hard as I could, only for him to exert little effort to push back into me. I came out of it with bruises on my thighs and an entire body that ached for days. I was raped. It's that simple and that gut wrenching all at the same time.

          

                                                              Dustin G.

Too Soon?

I went to a new gynecologist today (I know, but it's relevant to the post). She was going over all of the basics, and asked if I had ever had the HPV vaccine, Gardasil. I explained that by the time it got popular, my doctor told me I was too old. She asked if any of my children were girls and if so, how old was she. Yes, she's 9. She asked me if I had considered getting the vaccine for her. I was stunned. "Of course not! She's only 9! We haven't even had the sex talk, much less considered a vaccine for an STD. Are parents actually doing that this early? I can't even wrap my head around that". If I wasn't stunned enough already, what she said next nearly made me fall off the table...."What I can't wrap my head around is that I had a 9 year old girl on this same table last week telling me that she had already had three sexual partners. We need to start having these conversations earlier and earlier". I took the pamphlet that she offered on my way out.

Nine years old. Three sexual partners. Let that sink in for a minute.

I don't about your children, but my nine year old still spends hours playing with her Monster High dollhouse and trying new nail polish designs. Sure, there have been moments where my immediate thought is, "Whoa, kid, slow down!". I've noticed that she likes to try and wear outfits that I think are too old for her, that she'd give her right arm for me to let her wear make up out of the house. I know that these conversations are coming, and they have to be had. But.....she's nine. My mom never had "the talk" with me, proper. She answered questions that I would ask....and those questions didn't start until I was 12.

When did you have "the talk" with your kids? What was your approach? Is 9 years old too young to receive a vaccine for STDs? Let's hear it!

Christianity Under Attack!

This morning, I opened my email and found an email from a church that I used to attend. Now, don't get me wrong. I still consider myself Christian, still God-fearing, but I've found that my own opinions and views and conscious have taken me a bit "off the path" from what I was raised to believe.

The headline of the email was "CHRISTIANITY UNDER ATTACK!" and it provided three dates to back up the claim. The second claim was "January 22, 1973: Roe vs. Wade. Abortion became legal and the unborn child has no voice". This made me giggle for a few reasons.

At this particular church, I know of two women off the top of my head who have had terminations. One, terminated an ectopic pregnancy. The other, was a 15 year old girl who's grandmother (who also attends this church) forced her to have an abortion. I was friends with the girl and I remember exactly what she was told, "Get rid of it or you're out!". Christian like, huh? I'm willing to bet the number of women in that church who had had elective abortions or terminations for medical reasons would be astounding if they hadn't been scared into silence their whole lives.

Now, going back to the wording, "and the unborn child has no voice". What about the women who are raped? The 12 year old whose uncle takes advantage of her? Where are their voices? Are they allowed to have voices, but not the other women, who's abortions we deem "unacceptable"? And how dare, we, as Christians, judge someone so harshly, be so high on our horses that we think that we have the authority, the audacity, to decide for another woman what is best for her and her family?

I suppose there really is no point to this post other than OMGIHAVEN'TTALKEDTOYOUGUYSINFOREVER and that this particular email just happened to get under my skin. I hope all of you guys are hangin in there, kicking life in the balls as needed.

In the News...

So there's all sorts of interesting news buzzing around the feminist movement right now. My Facebook news feed has been blowing up with stories from Jezebel, HuffPost Women, and all sorts of other news outlets.

First and foremost (and this is huge), the ridiculous South Dakota abortion ban (you know, the obnoxious one that would have outlawed abortions after a fetal heartbeat was detected?) was ruled unconstitutional. Big win here, people. The law was passed last year and immediately (because, well...DUH) challenged. This ban was just about the strictest in the nation when it came to limiting abortion access for women, as a fetal heartbeat can be detected as early as 6 weeks (a point at which many women don't even realize they're pregnant). Seeing as abortion access is already extremely limited in this area of the country, if this law would have gone into affect, it would have completely ruled out the option of abortion for many women.

Today, Mississippi governor, Phil Bryant signed a bill to ban abortion starting at 20 weeks from the start of a woman's last menstrual period. He did this because, well, Mississippi hates abortion and they've done a fantastic job of making it damn near impossible for women to have safe, legal access to abortion care. *Facepalm*

Last week's episode of Game of Thrones has feminists and rape victims raving mad due to a consensual sex scene from the novel which was turned into a very odd rape scene on the HBO series. The episode's director defends this by saying that the sex depicted is consensual by the end of the scene. I won't lie. I am completely confused by this whole shitstorm. And I'm saying that as both a feminist and someone who has been affected by rape.

A few days ago, RH Reality Check asked the question: Is Being a Pornstar Feminist? Now, this is hardly "news" (though it stems from the story regarding the Duke freshman who was recently outed by a fellow student for doing porn to pay her college tuition).
This is quite interesting to me, as I think this question can be answered either way and still be correct. What do you think?

And finally, something that pisses me off to no end. Iggy Azalea (an Austrialian artist) stated in an interview at New York's Hot 97 on Tuesday, that she had to stop crowd surfing at her own shows because her fans kept trying to finger her. Finger her! At her own shows! I read this and immediately, the big red neon sign in my head started flashing "What...the...FUCK?!". How is it that these "fans" (which Iggy said were both male and female) find it acceptable to FINGER a performer?! Someone that they supposedly "respect" and admire. Iggy also stated that she now wears three layers of protection underneath her pants, shorts, or skirts now. This pisses me off and breaks my heart all at the same time.

That's all for now, people. If you've got any interesting tid bits that I missed, feel free to shoot them my way either here in the comments. On our Facebook page or email me at athoughtofherown@gmail.com.

Lindsey Creekmore vs. Jon Bruning

Many of you will remember that early last summer, I posted an article about Lindsey Creekmore. The RN on staff at the clinic operated by Dr. Leroy Carhart.

On Wednesday, March 19th...Lindsey will finally begin her hearing with the Nebraska State Board of Nursing to determine whether or not she will lose her nursing license. It goes without saying that Lindsey needs all of the support that she can get.

The news was released last May that Nebraska State Attorney General, Jon Bruning, had filed a 12 page petition with the state to revoke Lindsey's license. It is important to note that Jon Bruning has a long history of holding a strong pro-life stance.

Included in this post is the original news clip that I viewed when I found out about the allegations last year. Since then, I've gotten to know Lindsey personally and have spent time at the clinic (as you all know). Anyone who knows Lindsey, knows that these allegations are false. Anyone who has spent time at the clinic knows that those allegations are false.

I am absolutely confident that Lindsey will come out on top of this situation, but in the meantime, she needs all the support she can get. If it's possible for you to be in Lincoln for the hearing, please plan on doing so. I will post more details, such as times and any updates that I get as I get them. Please share this article/hashtag with as many of your pro-choice friends/family members as possible.

#ProLindsey

Lindsey's News Interview