A Thought of His Own, Vol. 1

Not too long ago, I asked a few male followers to help out with a few articles, in an effort to bring men to the conversation. Because while abortion is a women's issue, it is also a men's issue. And we can certainly make more progress and spark more conversation when we all come together for a cause. I've been very excited to see that quite a few of my male followers have stepped up for the challenge. The following post is being posted unedited and anonymously. Without further ado...

I have been invited by Cara to make some comments on the subject of this blog from a man’s point of view.  I am humbled and honored by her request.  Why?  Because I doubt any man can truly understand the issues that women confront on a daily basis.  I think we can logically see many of the issues that they are confronted with, but as to the emotional aspects of it, we don’t have a clue.  We can be empathetic by sensing their feelings, but we do not and cannot experience it.  Because of that I am humbled by this request.  The fact that Cara trusts me with this awesome responsibility makes me feel honored.

Before I express my current views on a few subjects, let me give you a bit of my history.  I am currently 70 years old.  Yes, you can have thoughts and express them cogently after 50.  I reveal this because it is important to my views.  I spent my teen and young adult time in the 60’s, a time of great social upheaval.  I witnessed the rise of the women’s movement.  Burn the bra, the pill, ‘make love, not war’, etc.  It was an exciting time to be alive and to observe, and participate in, such broad spectrum change in people’s attitudes and choices.  But, it was also the time of great reflection on what it was to be human.  Why did we have war?  Why is there racism?  Can your country do wrong?  Why is there poverty?  Why are people living in suppression?  We were the original “Hippies”!  And, while we may not look it, we still think like it.

Let me begin my current views by discussing abortion.  It is rather interesting, at least to me, how my feelings have evolved on this subject.  To begin with, I was raised in a pretty typical middle class family affiliated with a fairly main stream protestant faith.  Abortion was not a typical subject of conversation around the dinner table.  Yes, there were “girls” who left school for what seemed like no reason at all.  Teenage pregnancy was a scandal.  There was no pill, but hormones still worked.  But, how dare you discuss it.  Abortion was only an acceptable option when certain conditions were present; health of the mother, rape, incest and a child that would not live outside the womb. 

When I started college in the mid 60’ things began to change for me.  I found out that some of “those girls” that left in high school did not have their babies, but opted for a very hush, hush abortion.  The pill came into existence and now the “fear” of unwanted pregnancies was reduced to almost nil.  Lo’ and behold I discovered women liked sex, too!  Freedom from fear can do that.  And I met women who decided that they had a voice, and opinions, feelings of being oppressed by men, who cared about the world and those in it.  It was the most delightful revelation I had ever had in my life, at the time.   And, the greatest part of that revelation to me was how little control these women felt they had on their own lives.  I want to be a doctor they would say, but society said, well you can be a nurse.  I want to be in politics they said, well run for the school board society said. The women were right; they were being oppressed, in many different ways.  And one of the biggest was control over their own bodies.  Abortion was still illegal and done only in rather shady clinics and backward facilities often by people who only wanted the money and cared little about the future and health of the women.  Granted there was the beginning of enlightenment.  Some physicians realized that it was better to do it in well-equipped clinics, with trained doctors. But it was very quietly done and not well advertised, unfortunately.  But that is what began my real change.  The fact that such a life altering event as a pregnancy was controlled by everyone, except the pregnant woman.  It was either go full term or break the law.  Guys, don’t even go anywhere with this.  There is nothing in any law that controls your body as long as what you do is legal.  If you do, remember Carol Burnett’s great line, “Men.  Do you want to know what it’s like to have a baby? First grab your upper lip.  Now, pull it over your head!” That’s without considering 9 months of carrying a child, as well.

The second point on this issue that hit me was the fact that abortion had been ruled illegal by legislators in all states who were comprised of a vast majority of men.  What??  There were very few women in politics then (and still surprisingly few, but it has improved).  So, what a dichotomy, men deciding what happens to a woman’s body when they become pregnant.  It’s actually saying that once a woman becomes pregnant, what she does is to involuntarily surrender herself to the state.  That’s the only logical conclusion to that situation.

After college, I headed to graduate school in Chicago.  My school was on the campus of the University of Chicago, one of the hot beds of protest against the Vietnam War, social change, outcry against racism and women’s right in the U.S.  I witnessed the riots at the Democratic Convention in 1968.  I met members of the Chicago 7; I attended services and rallies led Dr. Martin Luther King and Jesse Jackson.  I watched the power of the Daly Machine controlling the city. What a place to be in a time like that.

Toward the end of my time in grad school the hot topic in the country, along with the Vietnam War, was the pending decision by the Supreme Court on the controversial “Roe vs. Wade” lawsuit.  The basis for the law suit was the 14^th Amendment of the Constitution.  Especially the following sentence:

“No state shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States; nor shall any state deprive any person of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws.”

It was the Equal Protection clause which the suit was based on.  The main argument against by the anti-abortion movement was that they felt that it violated the equal protection of the unborn.  So now the main crux of the matter became apparent.  Was an unborn a person under the law?  Or, was a pregnant woman not treated as equal under the law?  When does life begin?  What is life?  All important questions, but do they supersede the right of a person (read woman) to have equal protection under the law.  I won’t debate here when life begins.  That can be a scientific question, or it can be a belief question.  There are those that believe that all life is sacred, but by a scientific definition, harmful bacteria are alive and we do all we can to kill them.  People in irreversible comas, those on life support with no cognizant brain function and those with severe dementia are alive, but are the living?  Those are individual opinions that I leave for you each to decide on your own.  But, the bottom line is this; I agree with the Supreme Court in their decision on Roe vs. Wade.  Women have the full right to decide what happens to their bodies. 

However, here we are over 40 years later and the debate is still going on.  Why?  I think it can be reduced to only two reasons.  One, many men still have the antiquated idea that they are superior to woman and objectify them as things.  I actually think they do this because they are afraid of strong independent women who think for themselves.  It intimidates them and makes them feel inferior.  And, as for me, they are inferior.  Men and women are both sides of the human experience.  They are the “ying and the yang” of who we are.  Personally, I revel in seeing women as my equal. I have had relationships with many women in my life and all of them have were strong independent women who had their own opinions, thoughts, careers and personality.  Why would a man want anything else?

The second reason it is still with us is because of some religious factions in our country that hold that abortion should be outlawed because the unborn child is a “person of God”.  They proudly refer to themselves as “Pro-Life”.  But, here is what changed my mind totally on this group.  It is a quote by Sister Joan Chittister, a Benedictine nun from Erie, PA.  She holds a doctorate degree from Penn State University in speech communication theory.

"I do not believe that just because you're opposed to abortion that that makes you pro-life. In fact, I think in many cases, your morality is deeply lacking if all you want is a child born but not a child fed, not a child educated, not a child housed. And why would I think that you don't? Because you don't want any tax money to go there. That's not pro-life. That's pro-birth. We need a much broader conversation on what the morality of pro-life is."

Yes, the same people who want to stop every abortion are usually the same ones who want to cut programs like, early childhood education, aid to dependent mothers, after school programs, defund Planned Parenthood, school lunch programs, Pell grants, all so they can save on their taxes.  That is why she refers to them as “pro-birth”.  I totally agree with her.  I also see that many of these people are from predominately conservative right leaning Christian denominations.  They also covertly believe in segregation, few rights for women, right wing governments, authoritarian control over their churches and so forth.  They want a world where all issues have black and white answers.  There is no room for shades of grey in their worlds.  If there were, they would have to think for themselves.  They want someone else to decide for them.  They live in an Old Testament world where the laws laid down by the priests and prophets tell them what to do.  Yet they shout out, “Have you found Jesus!” (Actually, I didn’t know that he was lost)  But, at the same time they have no clue about how Jesus preached of love, tolerance, forgiveness, grace and compassion.  He makes us whole, not separated like the law.  He counted women as his equal.  He did not spend time with religious leaders.  His disciples were fishermen, tax collectors, common men. Enough said.

So, what is my conclusion?  Abortion is a woman’s personal decision.  Should she consult with those she loves?  She can if she wants to.  What about women’s rights?  It’s something all men should support, because it is human rights.  None of us will be equal until we realize that all of us should be.

The Moral Choice

Unless you've been living under a rock lately, or avoiding Facebook for the sake of your sanity, I'm sure you've seen all of the pro-life propaganda that has been flooding the media, thanks to Donald Trump's incredibly inaccurate (and irresponsible, if you ask me) description of late term abortion. One of my favorites is this one that popped up across my news feed multiple times yesterday:

I'll be honest, I couldn't bring myself to read the actual article. But you can clearly see, it's an article saying that Hillary Clinton is telling people to deny their Christianity and their beliefs to support abortion. 

Now, I realize that many of my followers do not believe in God. And that's fine, that's their choice (see what I did there?). I, on the other hand, grew up in church and had a deacon for a father. I don't go to church anymore, but I still consider myself God-fearing. With that being said, I thought this would be an interesting topic to explore.

Many of you know that I have not always been pro-choice. I used to be, what I would now consider, a pro-life whacko. I wasn't out protesting at clinics, I wasn't sending death threats, but MAN, the topic would get me heated. Looking back, I realize that I only felt that way because that's the way my mind was programmed growing up. I'm certainly not blaming this on religion, but those were my parents' beliefs and it takes kids a while to make up their own minds on complex issues. When I first began to question those pro-life beliefs, the biggest hurdle was my faith. My church had taught me that abortion was wrong. No ifs, ands, or buts. When I think back on it now, I can pick out a few instances where abortion wasn't wrong for a few members of our church because apparently their cases were the exception (funny how that works, huh?). But regardless, I still believed in God, I still believed in the idea of Christianity. How could I be okay with abortion? So the internal struggle began.

Now, the article I previously referenced, states that we the people must deny our faith and any Christian values that we may have, in order to support abortion. I'm not having it. As someone raised in the church, I'm fairly familiar with the Bible. And when my internal struggle began, so to speak, I did some poking around on this exact topic. Let me make one thing clear: THERE IS NOT ONE SINGLE SCRIPTURE THAT SPECIFICALLY CONDEMNS ABORTION. NOT ONE. What the Bible does specifically reference is the sanctity of life. So let's examine this. Here are a few scriptures that many pro-lifers like to use in reference to abortion:

Jeremiah 1:5 : Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you, before you were born, I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.

This does not reference abortion, but the sanctity of life. It clearly means that every life matters. And it does. I have never met a woman who has had an abortion that did not recognize the gravity of her decision. Whether she believes that the fetus she's terminated is "alive" or a person or what have you, she understands the gravity. She understands the potential of what is growing inside of her. My personal interpretation of this scripture is that it is to provide comfort for those who find themselves feeling lost or obsolete. I'm not sure why many pro-lifers see the word "womb" and automatically relate it to abortion.

Isaiah 49:15 : Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! 

I think this scripture speaks for itself. I'm honestly not sure how this gets brought into the abortion debate. If a baby is at it's mother's breast, it has already been born, eliminating the correlation to abortion. Am I the only one who sees this as a reference to neglected living children? Again, in my opinion, this is a scripture meant to comfort those who need it.

Psalm 127:3 : Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him.

Kids are great! I have three of my own and they make my life so much fuller than I ever thought possible. Boom. That's it.

I'd like to point out that while all of these scriptures specifically referencing the sanctity of life, no Christian is out supporting Syrian refugees, protesting the death penalty for murderers, or working to improve things for single mothers with new babies. Instead, I'm seeing Christian protesting Syrian refugees, pushing the government to expedite executions, and shaming single mothers for being on welfare. Funny how that works, isn't it?

So we've looked at the Biblical side of it, or at least part of it (I don't have time to blog all of the times that the Bible references children). Let's examine a few scenarios:

• A little girl is raped. Through absolutely no choice of her own, she becomes pregnant. Carrying this pregnancy means compromising her body that is not mature enough to support a pregnancy...which could easily lead to difficulty carrying wanted pregnancies later in life. It also means compromising her mental health, which could result in suicide (a sin, according to the Bible). It is immoral to force her to carry the pregnancy. Bottom line. There is no question as to whether or not this warrants an abortion.

• A woman, married, gets pregnant by her abusive husband. She fears for the baby's life once it's born. There's a good chance that this child will die regardless of the decision made. It can be abused and murdered after birth where there is no doubt that it will feel every second of suffering that it endures, OR, this woman can go to a clinic and have an abortion early in her pregnancy where the fetus will feel nothing. Again, no question of morality here.

• A young couple decides it's time to expand their family and they get pregnant. 20 weeks into the pregnancy, they learn that the baby the woman is carrying has Turner's syndrome, which means it's kidney's aren't functioning, it has cardiac defects, and the lungs are effected. There is no chance that their baby will survive long after birth. And while it is alive, it will struggle. It will be in pain. And it will greatly impact the parents to watch their child suffer and die in their arms. Which is worse? Euthanizing the fetus and ending the pregnancy, or carrying to term and watching their baby die? Again, in my mind, there is no question.

These are all extreme cases, but they happen daily. Making a baby is not a perfect science. And relationships aren't always as happy and easy as they should be. Real people find themselves in these very real situations on a regular basis. However unfortunate it may be, that's our reality. And for these extreme cases alone, we cannot allow abortion to become illegal. And many Christians who consider themselves pro-life support abortion in most of these cases.

So what about the "other" abortions? The majority of abortions. Then it becomes a different kind of moral issue. If you don't support it, that's fine. But women will find a way to terminate unwanted pregnancies, regardless of whether or not they're legal. Is it moral for a Christian to fight to outlaw abortion while knowing that women and girls will die trying to terminate their pregnancies, whether it be due to DIY abortion methods or going to unsafe providers? No. It is not moral, by any stretch of the imagination, to outlaw something that will force parents to lose their daughters, children to lose their mothers, and husbands to lose their wives. And if you, as a Christian, can't wrap your mind around that, wrap it around this: Separation of Church and State:

(Referenced in the First Amendment of the United States Constitution): 

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof..."

(Shockingly enough, this does not only apply to the Muslim faith, but to all of us.)

As always, any feedback is welcome. And please feel free to share!

Christianity Under Attack!

This morning, I opened my email and found an email from a church that I used to attend. Now, don't get me wrong. I still consider myself Christian, still God-fearing, but I've found that my own opinions and views and conscious have taken me a bit "off the path" from what I was raised to believe.

The headline of the email was "CHRISTIANITY UNDER ATTACK!" and it provided three dates to back up the claim. The second claim was "January 22, 1973: Roe vs. Wade. Abortion became legal and the unborn child has no voice". This made me giggle for a few reasons.

At this particular church, I know of two women off the top of my head who have had terminations. One, terminated an ectopic pregnancy. The other, was a 15 year old girl who's grandmother (who also attends this church) forced her to have an abortion. I was friends with the girl and I remember exactly what she was told, "Get rid of it or you're out!". Christian like, huh? I'm willing to bet the number of women in that church who had had elective abortions or terminations for medical reasons would be astounding if they hadn't been scared into silence their whole lives.

Now, going back to the wording, "and the unborn child has no voice". What about the women who are raped? The 12 year old whose uncle takes advantage of her? Where are their voices? Are they allowed to have voices, but not the other women, who's abortions we deem "unacceptable"? And how dare, we, as Christians, judge someone so harshly, be so high on our horses that we think that we have the authority, the audacity, to decide for another woman what is best for her and her family?

I suppose there really is no point to this post other than OMGIHAVEN'TTALKEDTOYOUGUYSINFOREVER and that this particular email just happened to get under my skin. I hope all of you guys are hangin in there, kicking life in the balls as needed.

In the News...

So there's all sorts of interesting news buzzing around the feminist movement right now. My Facebook news feed has been blowing up with stories from Jezebel, HuffPost Women, and all sorts of other news outlets.

First and foremost (and this is huge), the ridiculous South Dakota abortion ban (you know, the obnoxious one that would have outlawed abortions after a fetal heartbeat was detected?) was ruled unconstitutional. Big win here, people. The law was passed last year and immediately (because, well...DUH) challenged. This ban was just about the strictest in the nation when it came to limiting abortion access for women, as a fetal heartbeat can be detected as early as 6 weeks (a point at which many women don't even realize they're pregnant). Seeing as abortion access is already extremely limited in this area of the country, if this law would have gone into affect, it would have completely ruled out the option of abortion for many women.

Today, Mississippi governor, Phil Bryant signed a bill to ban abortion starting at 20 weeks from the start of a woman's last menstrual period. He did this because, well, Mississippi hates abortion and they've done a fantastic job of making it damn near impossible for women to have safe, legal access to abortion care. *Facepalm*

Last week's episode of Game of Thrones has feminists and rape victims raving mad due to a consensual sex scene from the novel which was turned into a very odd rape scene on the HBO series. The episode's director defends this by saying that the sex depicted is consensual by the end of the scene. I won't lie. I am completely confused by this whole shitstorm. And I'm saying that as both a feminist and someone who has been affected by rape.

A few days ago, RH Reality Check asked the question: Is Being a Pornstar Feminist? Now, this is hardly "news" (though it stems from the story regarding the Duke freshman who was recently outed by a fellow student for doing porn to pay her college tuition).
This is quite interesting to me, as I think this question can be answered either way and still be correct. What do you think?

And finally, something that pisses me off to no end. Iggy Azalea (an Austrialian artist) stated in an interview at New York's Hot 97 on Tuesday, that she had to stop crowd surfing at her own shows because her fans kept trying to finger her. Finger her! At her own shows! I read this and immediately, the big red neon sign in my head started flashing "What...the...FUCK?!". How is it that these "fans" (which Iggy said were both male and female) find it acceptable to FINGER a performer?! Someone that they supposedly "respect" and admire. Iggy also stated that she now wears three layers of protection underneath her pants, shorts, or skirts now. This pisses me off and breaks my heart all at the same time.

That's all for now, people. If you've got any interesting tid bits that I missed, feel free to shoot them my way either here in the comments. On our Facebook page or email me at athoughtofherown@gmail.com.

Lindsey Creekmore vs. Jon Bruning

Many of you will remember that early last summer, I posted an article about Lindsey Creekmore. The RN on staff at the clinic operated by Dr. Leroy Carhart.

On Wednesday, March 19th...Lindsey will finally begin her hearing with the Nebraska State Board of Nursing to determine whether or not she will lose her nursing license. It goes without saying that Lindsey needs all of the support that she can get.

The news was released last May that Nebraska State Attorney General, Jon Bruning, had filed a 12 page petition with the state to revoke Lindsey's license. It is important to note that Jon Bruning has a long history of holding a strong pro-life stance.

Included in this post is the original news clip that I viewed when I found out about the allegations last year. Since then, I've gotten to know Lindsey personally and have spent time at the clinic (as you all know). Anyone who knows Lindsey, knows that these allegations are false. Anyone who has spent time at the clinic knows that those allegations are false.

I am absolutely confident that Lindsey will come out on top of this situation, but in the meantime, she needs all the support she can get. If it's possible for you to be in Lincoln for the hearing, please plan on doing so. I will post more details, such as times and any updates that I get as I get them. Please share this article/hashtag with as many of your pro-choice friends/family members as possible.

#ProLindsey

Lindsey's News Interview

A Day in the Life: Clinic Days

It’s 6:30am and typically I’d still be sleeping. But today, I’m wide awake, lying in bed, stomach in knots, and praying to God that I’ll have the energy to make it through a 17 hour day. I know that today will easily end up being one of the most exhausting days of my life, but I’m ready for it. I’ve been waiting on this day for months, one could even say years. Later today, I’ll go to work for my typical 8 hour shift, but first, I’ll spend a few hours learning how an abortion clinic operates-from the inside.

If the idea of observing at an abortion clinic isn’t enough for my mind to process, I won’t be observing at just any abortion clinic. No, I’ll be observing at the clinic owned and operated by Dr. Leroy Carhart (and staff, respectively). Dr. Carhart has been a major player in this movement for years, as he is one of the only remaining abortion providers offering late term abortion services. Because of the late term options he provides, he’s also spent years being the target of violent pro-life extremists, even falling victim to arson at his ranch in 1991. The fire killed 17 of Dr. Carhart’s horses. Paintings of those horses now decorate the walls of his clinic.

For the last few months, I’ve held the title of "intake specialist" for the clinic. Simply put, this means that I obtain information, by phone, for women seeking Dr. Carhart’s services past 21 weeks gestation. In addition to this position, running this blog has also kept me involved in this movement (albeit, on the outskirts) for almost two years now. But for some reason, I feel that by exposing myself to the protestors who are bound to show on this particular morning, I’m involving myself on a whole new level. By meeting these women face to face and hearing their stories and observing procedures, I feel like I’m entering an entirely different arena. It’s a heavy feeling and I’m intensely aware that by the time I leave the clinic today, the views that I’ve spent the last three years defending could change. And still, I can’t bring myself to miss a moment of it.

After leaving home, I stop at the store and load up on energy drinks before heading to the clinic. Once I hit the interstate, my anxiety kicks in. I can’t stop the constant stream of thoughts from going through my mind: What should I expect? How crazy will the protestors be? Will this make me emotional? Am I going to completely humiliate myself and pass out? Will I leave just as strong in my beliefs as before? The questions are endlessly streaming and I can’t wait to find the answers.

It seems like it takes an hour to get to the clinic, but in reality, I’m there within 15 minutes. I arrive around 7:40am to what appears to be one protestor, an older man who seems to have placed signs in the grass with phrases such as "Abortion Hurts Women" and "Men Regret Abortion". If that isn’t annoying enough, he’s also holding a sign that reads, "Today is Kill Day!" in big, bold letters. Once I manage to get into the parking lot (while reading these signs), I realize that there are two women who are on the grass in front of the parking lot praying. I park my car and try to stall because I know the man has zeroed in on me. Within seconds, another car parks beside me and a man and women get out and enter the building together. I finally suck it up and get out of my car and instantly the man is yelling at me, "Don’t kill your baby! Let us help you! You’ll never forget this day…the day you murdered your baby!" In all honesty, I have no idea how to react, so I just mutter that I’m not pregnant and that I’m an employee. He doesn’t believe me, shakes his head and keeps yelling at me not to kill my baby. I walk away and head up the stairs that lead to the clinic entrance. The praying women are waiting for me. They’re very nice and I have no problem telling them that I’m not pregnant and that I work at the clinic. They instantly seem surprised that I’m talking to them and express interest in having a "real conversation" with me for my blog anytime I’m free. I awkwardly walk away and as the door closes behind me, I hear them tell me that they’ll be praying for me.

I’m finally inside the clinic and I feel like I can take a breath. I’m excited to see the girls, but I can’t help but notice the atmosphere in the clinic. There is one patient there, in addition to the couple from the parking lot. No one in the room seems to be any kind of noticeably emotional, though there does seem to be an awkward silence lurking in the room. GMA is playing on the t.v. in the waiting room and Lara Spencer’s perky voice is all that seems to cut through the uncomfortable silence. I laugh to myself at the thought of how excited I am to be here, while all the other girls in the office are discussing one’s recent overnight stay in the local haunted house. It’s about this time that I realize that in my nervous rush to leave the house, I forgot my notebook, so Lindsey (Dr. Carhart’s Director of Nursing) sets me up with a clipboard. I immediately start making notes and she laughs at me. I’m determined to not forget a single detail. Lindsey informs the other girls in the office that I’ll be following them around the clinic today and that I’d like to sit in on educations and procedures. After what felt like forever, the work begins.

By the time I sit through my first education, another patient has arrived. There is no single characteristic that any of these women visibly share. There is a young, married couple that seems down, a girl who is alone and seeking a medical abortion (the abortion pill), and another girl who must be somewhere around my age, who is accompanied by her best friend. They all appear to be from different walks of life. I’m asked if I’d like to sit in on the education for a F.I. (fetal indication) patient and I jump at the opportunity. It turns out that the young married couple (who I previously saw in the parking lot) is there because they just discovered that their baby has a chromosomal abnormality. The woman is devastated, the husband tries to remain stoic, and this is the first patient that I feel some connection with, even though we never speak to each other directly.

Finally, Dr. Carhart arrives and almost immediately jumps into action. I walk into the first patient room to find an older woman, calmly lying on the examining table. Her pregnancy was discovered so early that she did not qualify for a medical abortion. I stand discreetly in the back of the room by the door, so not to make the patient uncomfortable or be in the way. As the woman is being prepped, Dr. Carhart comes into the room and speaks with her, ensuring that she’s comfortable with her decision. All that’s going through my mind is, "This is it. This may change everything. I’m not sure I’m ready for this". By the time those thoughts play out in my mind, the procedure is over and the woman is getting dressed. I’m called over to examine the products of conception (POC) and to my surprise, I see nothing recognizable. Immediately, I wonder why people are willing to kill doctors over this.

The third procedure that I observe is not an actual abortion procedure, but the administration of Digoxin to the fetus and placement of laminaria for cervical dilation. It’s the young married couple. I walk into the room and notice that instead of the patient being distraught, her husband is. She is calm and it’s his turn to cry. He holds it together quite well, holding her hand and speaking with the doctor. Dr. Carhart is incredibly sympathetic to their situation and speaks to them like this is a personal situation for him, as well. It is obvious that they appreciate his compassion during such a difficult time. These types of situations are what originally opened my mind to the pro-choice movement and it’s hard for me to process how this couple must be feeling. After speaking with the husband, Dr. Carhart takes his seat and is given the instruments needed for the procedure. Once the ultrasound screen lights up, the husband buries his head into the examining table and his wife strokes his forehead. The room falls completely silent and as soon as the first part of the procedure is over, the husband falls apart. It’s clear that his heart is broken. I’m still standing awkwardly in the corner, not wanting to make anyone uncomfortable or be in the way, but I notice that he’s looking for something to wipe his face and he’s too distraught to notice the box of tissues that had been sat on the head of the examining table for him. I quietly step over and hand him the box. He’s grateful and thanks me. In the time it takes me to take three steps back to the corner, I’m sure my heart is about to burst through my chest. In handing him that simple box of tissues, I feel like I’m officially involved. Part of me feels ridiculous; part of me feels grateful to be a part of it, even in some small way. I know I won’t be there to see how this couple handles their procedure the following day, and I make a note to ask Lindsey to keep me informed of how they’re doing. And suddenly, it’s real to me. I don’t know these people…I don’t know their story, but it feels personal. This really is a needed service. I like to say that I knew that before, but for some reason, now it’s really hitting home for me.

I see one more F.I. procedure before the day is over. It’s for a couple that I didn’t see earlier, but again, the husband is by his wife's side and it makes me appreciate Dr. Carhart’s way of doing things. The couple is laid back. They discuss their other children with us, the wife jokes and tries to make light of the situation, but keeps bursting into tears. The husband remains calm and strong for his wife. Once Dr. Carhart comes into the room, he asks how she’s doing and she dissolves into tears and says, "This fucking sucks!" Dr. Carhart agrees with her and tries to put her at ease. He handles the situation beautifully and it’s amazing to watch his bedside manner. He ensures that this is the route the couple wishes to take. Throughout this procedure, the patient tries to lighten the mood by making jokes and I admire her for working so hard to hold it together. We all end up jumping in to help lighten things up. In a matter of minutes, this procedure is completed and Dr. Carhart leaves the room to help his next patient.

Finally, I’m standing in for my last procedure of the day. This woman, probably close to my age, is farther along than the rest of the surgical abortion patients and I’m curious as to why she’s waited so long. It doesn’t take long to figure out that it was a financial issue. As she talks with the staff, she’s clearly concerned about any extra costs that she may have to pay. I’m instantly irritated because I know that this service should be more readily available and affordable for women who need it. For women living paycheck to paycheck, an unexpected pregnancy and termination (if she chooses that route) could unravel everything that she’s worked so hard to gain and it appears that that may be the case for this patient. As Dr. Carhart finishes his paperwork after the procedure, I scribble a few extra notes down and start to get my papers together.

Back in the office, I’m gathering my jacket and papers when it starts to set in that the last few hours have changed the way I feel about this movement. The protestors, the patients, Dr. Carhart…all of it has left me with a feeling of overwhelming pride in this movement. For the doctors and nurses and staff members who are willing to risk their own well-being in an effort to provide a safe, dignified place for these women to go in their time of need. Even for the women who are brave enough to recognize that they made need to utilize their right to choose. As I start to leave the building, I remember that protestors will be waiting and suddenly there’s a sickening churn in the pit of my stomach and I feel nothing but disgust for these close minded zealots. How could anyone meet one of these women and dare to judge them? How could they assume that they know what is best for these women and (possibly) their families? What makes them think that they have a say when it comes to a woman exercising her freedom of choice? This time when I walk outside, there’s a different woman by the door and again, I have no problem speaking with her. I’m a little more confident this time around so when she starts preaching, I politely (yet, somewhat sarcastically) tell her that I disagree with her. I state that I CHOSE to have my children and I wouldn’t dare try to take that choice away from another woman. I walk away, and am again told that they’ll be praying for me.

By the time I get in my car and start to leave the clinic, there are about 5 protestors hanging by the entrance. I have to stop for oncoming traffic and while I'm stuck there and they're trying to hand me pamphlets, I crack my window and start blaring Ani DiFranco's "Lost Woman Song". It is ironically appropriate for the moment and I can't help but smile to myself. Yes, the first part of my day is over and instead of feeling exhausted, I'm feeling energized and more confident in my beliefs than ever. There is no way to justify taking a woman's right to choose away from her. Ani DiFranco had it right when she said, "They keep pounding their fists on reality, hoping it will break. But I don't think a one of us leads a life free of mistakes". 

Abortion isn't going anywhere. And outlawing it will only result in more lives lost. The real question of morality lies in whether or not we (as a society) are willing to let women needlessly die?

I can officially say that I know this movement from the inside...which leads me to this: I support the freedom of choice and the physicians and clinic staff that make the choice possible. Where do you stand?

Life and Change

The last month of my life has been a whirlwind. I went from being a married housewife in Atlanta with three small children, to being a working, single mom of three about 5 minutes outside of Omaha. To say that my life is changing is the understatement of the century. I could look at all these changes in a negative way, but I'm choosing not to. I'm choosing to look for the silver lining. And there are many:

Since moving here, I've made some of the best friends that I've ever had. In fact, I would say that my family has expanded. I've had the opportunity to meet someone I've admired for years. I'm finally getting the chance to see this amazing movement from the inside. And finally, I'm spreading my wings for the first time in years. It's the best, most terrifying, mind boggling feeling I've ever had. It's definitely a lot to wrap my mind around.

In the first two weeks that I was here, I was invited to Dr. Carhart's clinic on a day when there were no patients. I was able to get a behind-the-scenes look, and I'll be honest...I was as giddy as a 14 year old meeting her favorite pop star. Lindsey (Dr. Carhart's nurse that I wrote about a few weeks ago), showed me around and loaded me down with all sorts of pro-choice gear. A week later, I went back to the clinic and was able to meet the man himself. Remember the giddy 14 year old? Yeah. She was back in full force. I'll admit, I was kind of star struck. He pulled me into an empty waiting room and asked me how I was doing (he had already been filled in on my situation), asked me about my kids, the blog, and let me pick his brain a little. He was as amazing as I expected. He also offered to let me bring my kids out to his ranch sometime soon, since my daughter loves to ride. And the icing on the cake? I got to watch his copy of After Tiller (FINALLY! Expect a post about that soon!). Color me happy.

This post doesn't have a whole hell of a lot to do with abortion. But my life is changing. The posts may start coming a little slower. I hope you guys will stick around and keep sharing the blog and the page with your friends. I still have a lot to say!

Lindsey brought a cake over for my dad's birthday on Sunday!

The pre-4th party was a blast!

Love!

Still stoked about this shirt! Not so much about the lack of make-up >.<

More gear!

Happy babies!

He's pretty sure he's going to marry Lindsey...

Notice how blurry the picture is? Yeah, my hands were shaking...

South Wind Women's Center

The first week of June, 2009, a clinic at 5101 East Kellogg Drive in Wichita closed. It was the end of an era. The closing came just one week after it's owner, Dr. George Tiller, was shot and killed at point blank range in the foyer of his church. Since then, the building has sat alone, a solemn reminder to many of the wonderful doctor (and warrior of women's rights) that a community and a movement, lost.

This week, the clinic got a second chance and re-opened as South Wind Women's Center. This is the first time since the death of Dr. Tiller that abortion has been readily available in Wichita. While they are not currently offering the late term services for fetal anomaly and maternal indication that Dr. Tiller's practice provided, they are offering services up to 14 weeks.

According to director (and former employee of Dr. Tiller), Julie Burkhart, the next few months are crucial to the clinic's success. While Wichita has been without an abortion provider nearly four years, the pro-life presence of Operation Rescue is still ever-present. As soon as word got out that the clinic was re-opening, OR has been working to put a stop to it all. This presents constant challenges to the clinic, it's employees, and it's clients.

To say that South Wind needs all the support it can get, is an understatement. These hard workers of women's rights need cheerleaders, encouragement, and all the "Way to go!"s that they can get. Whether you believe in prayer, good vibes, or whatever...send them their way! Let's hope that this clinic can manage to navigate through the harassment without losing their stamina to deal with it and their desire to help women.

Congratulations to South Wind Women's Center! Here's to a long and prosperous run!

What defines a person?

Often, the abortion argument comes down to one question: When does a embryo/fetus/baby (whichever term you prefer) become a "person"? According to Webster's, there are 7 different definitions of a "person". None of which include a scientific definition involving a embryo, fetus, or baby. The irritating truth is: There is no one definition of a person. There is no black and white answer. "Person" means different things to different people.

For some people, the day they find out they're pregnant, they consider themselves to have another person growing inside of them. Other people consider the first kick a sign of personhood. Others believe that a fetus is a person only after it's born. In reality, emotion plays a big part in this answer.

However, after that question is answered (by each individual), the question of when one person is equal to another, or how long one person's rights outweigh another's. This is where the debate often gets heated. Again, this is often fueled by emotion. Even if one doesn't feel emotion towards a possible child, one is likely to still feel very emotional when it comes to women's rights and how far they should go (or in some extreme cases, if they should even exist at all).

The important thing to remember, while discussing the sensitive issue of abortion, is to respect everyone's individual views on when a embryo/fetus/baby (even though it may be exhausting, lol) reaches personhood. Doing so can result in a level headed conversation that has more potential to open minds.

x Keep Talking,

CC

My Humble Opinion (if you're not open minded, save yourself the heartache)

As I always say, anyone who knows me and has followed this blog knows that I used to be pro-life. Strongly pro-life. So I think that because I understand that side (as much as it frustrates me now), I have pretty unique pro-choice views. And that tends to piss off some people.

For example, I do think that there should be limitations. I think there should be a cut off for elective abortions, and a separate cut off for certain circumstances, such as medical reasons, rape, or incest. For those of you wondering why I'm all for women being able to terminate late term due to rape or incest, it's because many young girls are scared to speak up if they've been a victim of rape or incest. Therefore, often there pregnancies are undetected by any adult until the girl is showing (often not until 5 or 6 months, and even later than that for some girls). As far as medical reasons, often a fetal anomaly cannot be detected until the anatomy scan, which generally occurs between 18-20 weeks. Some women don't even get ultrasounds before that point. Likewise, often maternal problems aren't detected until later in the pregnancy either. My thoughts on limitations tend to irritate others in the pro-choice community. Everyone likes to say that it's stupid for me to think that women would be flocking to their local abortion clinics to have abortions "just because" at 30 weeks. And that would be stupid. But here's the thing: the world is full of stupid people. I do believe that there would be women (not many, but still), who would terminate late term just because they were allowed to and certain circumstances have put them there (think: martial separation late in a pregnancy. I don't think this type of thing really makes sense as a reason to terminate). Call me anti-woman if you want...but that's just how I feel about it. I don't think it's wrong for a woman to terminate because she simply doesn't want to be pregnant, I just think that kind of abortion should happen ASAP (which also leads me to point out that I believe the government should put some sort of help out there for these women, as the majority of insurance companies don't cover abortions and some women can't come up with a few hundred dollars in the instance of unintended pregnancy). As far as medical reasons--I don't believe that at 38 weeks, a woman should be able to terminate, UNLESS (note people, this is a BIG "unless"), the baby is actively suffering in utero. I'm a mom. I know that none of us would want our children to suffer. Period. If the baby is suffering, and a family wants to terminate, they should be allowed to. But if it's a case of they're okay right now, but they won't survive once they're born, let nature take it's course. Of course, just my opinion. I probably feel this way BECAUSE I am a mom. While I consider myself strongly pro-choice, I've never had the outlook that the fetus isn't a baby. From the start, in my opinion, there is (at the very least) potential for life. I understand that life happens. I understand that women don't want their children to suffer. I understand that sometimes the choice has to be made to save the mother. But that doesn't make me feel any less empathy for the pregnancy, the child, the fetus...whatever you prefer to call it. But in the grand scheme of things, I realize that I am nothing more than a blogger. I write my thoughts out, and a few people read them. And while I am so  incredibly grateful that people spend their incredibly valuable time reading what I write, I realize that at this point in my life, I probably won't be making a difference in this debate. When it comes down to it, we've got a ton of Republican men who believe women should still be barefoot in the kitchen, holding our political offices. And as long as they want this right to be taken away, the very real threat remains. One blog isn't going to change that.

With all of that said, I do respect the feelings and opinions of my pro-choice friends...even the ones who believe abortion should be available on demand, with no restrictions. Because those are their opinions. And I believe that anyone who is willing to speak out on their true feelings on abortion (an often emotionally charged issue), deserves respect. Period. This is not an easy topic to discuss these days. But the fact that it's not easy doesn't mean that we don't need to be facing it. Our rights are in more danger now than they have been since the passing of Roe v Wade. Now is the time for us to speak up and speak out and work to preserve the rights that we have. Not only for ourselves, our friends, and sisters...but for future generations. For our children and their children.

In order for this fight to be won, we have to respect each other in the battle. We're all fighting for the same thing, regardless of whether or not our opinions of the details differ. We all believe that women should have the chance to make a choice: parent, adopt, abort.

WARNING: Very Graphic, May Include Triggers

Early in 2011, I posted about Kermit Gosnell. He was charged with with the deaths of seven infants and 1 woman. Most pro-lifers will argue that every single doctor who provides abortions should face the same charges. However, this case is so far beyond a man who provides abortion services. A new 20 minute documentary highlights exactly what happened behind closed doors in this inner city house of horrors.

Since Roe v. Wade was passed, woman have had access (though often difficult to obtain) to safe, legal abortions. And by "safe", I mean...abortions who are provided by a licensed doctor, in a clean setting, with sterile instruments. The procedures can be done in a number of ways which are often done before the baby has the brain waves/nervous system to make it capable of feeling pain. And once the brain and nervous system has developed to such a point, measures are taken to make the procedure as safe as possible for the baby.

I can only imagine that what Kermit Gosnell did was comparable to back alley abortionists who were in it for nothing more than a quick buck. The Gosnell clinic was located in Philadelphia, in a lower-class neighborhood. Gosnell's "typical" clientele has been described by some as "lower-class", "poor", "minorities", or "under-educated" women. And while it's often true that women who find themselves in desperate situations such as having no money and needing an abortion, will take a risk. I don't think any one of the women who went to Gosnell ever imagined that they would have to be wary of such an experience.

One woman (former patient) who appeared in the documentary describes an experience of seeing women who looked half dead (from being given heavy drugs) sitting in the waiting room, blood spattered walls and floors, blood crusted recliners, and a forceful doctor who refused to let her up off the bed when she changed her mind about the abortion. Instead, he put her to sleep and performed the procedure anyway. She is no longer able to have children.

A clinic worker (who was in no way qualified to do anything other than maybe answer phones and make appointments) snapped cell phone pictures of two of the babies that Gosnell "aborted" (And by "aborted", I mean delivered alive at full term, shoved scissors into the base of their skulls and then "snipped" their spinal cords...a technique that he called "snipping"). These pictures are included in the documentary and are VERY graphic. 

Through the years, two women's deaths were reported to the health department, along with a woman who suffered perforated uterus...but no investigation was done--with any of them. The last time an employee from the Department of Health physically visited the clinic? 1993. Not only is Gosnell and his staff at fault, the city should be held accountable as well, or at least the Department of Health.

It's also interesting to note that Gosnell had one exclusive procedure room that he used for white women. It was reportedly cleaner and nicer than the others, because as he put it "That's the way of the world. Young white women are more likely to tell". The whole ordeal is despicable.

This man was not in the business to help women. Nor was he concerned about providing mercy to babies who were suffering. This man would do any abortion, at any time through the pregnancy, for ANY reason. If you were due the day BEFORE you went to him, he would still provide his "services". The only thing that mattered was the money.

Today, on the 40th anniversary of Roe v. Wade, it's so important to remember that if we lose this right to do what we wish with our bodies, there is a very real possibility that this "quality" of care could become the norm for women who need abortion services. These kinds of scary stories are the kind of thing that people heard before we had the legal right to choose. Do we really want to go back to seeing this type of operation regularly? Making abortion illegal won't stop it. But more people will die.

You can watch the documentary, 3801 Lancaster here. But PLEASE be advised that this video is extremely graphic. I would not recommend it for post abortive women, queasy individuals, rape victims, or women who have experienced any kind of pregnancy/infant/child loss. 

How old is old enough?

Today, I was reading Jill Stanek's blog and I saw this picture:



Of course, Jill Stanek was appalled that these women were standing here with each other, supporting something that meant that had any of their pregnancies been inconvenient (specifically, the daughter and granddaughter) they could have killed their child off. And they're all smiling about it. She finished off by saying that they were all "whacked" (side note: right after that last sentence, there is a list of Do's and Don'ts for Stanek's comment area...the first being DO criticize ideas, NOT people).

Clearly, I don't agree with Jill on this one. One reason being that I fully believe that PP provides a whole array of services to men AND women. Anyway, I saw this picture and I immediately noticed how young this little girl looks. She looks no older than 11 or 12 years old. Which brings the following question to mind: How old is old enough when it comes to explaining women's rights in regards to abortion?

This may be because I have a 5 year old daughter, and I know that eventually she will learn about these things. And I've always been a firm believer that when your child asks questions, you answer them. But in this case, if she happened to overhear something on the news regarding abortion and asked me about it, I don't think I'd feel comfortable explaining it to her yet. Part of me feels like this issue (abortion) should be handled when a girl (or boy) becomes sexually active. Wouldn't it fall somewhere in that conversation? Of course, that makes me think about all the little girls who have been raped and needed abortions at age 12. How awful! To be honest, I can't imagine when it would be the right time to discuss abortion with my daughter. But I know I wouldn't be comfortable with it ANY time soon.

So, the question here is...How old is old enough when it comes to the topic of abortion?

New Abortion Laws Sweeping the Country

On Thursday, August 2nd, Arizona's new law regarding abortion goes into effect. According to this law, no abortion shall be performed past 20 weeks (20 weeks from the last missed period...an extreme that most states passing 20 week bills don't seek to pass). This includes abortions due to fetal abnormality. Therefore, if a woman goes in for her anatomy scan at 20 weeks, 1 day and finds that her precious baby has a defect that is causing him or her to suffer, or one that will not allow them to thrive outside of the womb, or worse...will kill them, she will be forced to carry the pregnancy to term, crossing her fingers that her child passes on their own or that he or she does not suffer for long after they are born. Even Georgia's new 20 week bill that goes into effect in January isn't this extreme (Don't get all giddy...it's 10 different kinds of effed up, as well. There is no exception for rape and incest past 20 weeks). Georgia's law will outlaw abortions past 20 weeks gestation, with an exception for pregnancies that our wonderful Governor (cough), Nathan Deal, calls "medically futile" (Side note: The definition of futile: incapable of producing any useful results. Pointless......just in case you were wondering).

It is so sad to me that women and their families are suffering because pro-life politicians have such an agenda to push. I wish that people could understand that this issue really does need to be considered on a case by case basis. For example, while I support abortion...I personally do not believe in using abortion as a form of birth control, over and over again. I think that it should be used as an absolute last resort. But because these politicians believe that they have an agenda to push, they see this issue in absolutes. There is no gray area. Because their supporters don't support abortion, they are putting restricting laws on the issue for EVERYONE. They're treating every issue exactly the same. It's unacceptable. And as women, we need to be standing up and raising hell.

How pro-choice (or pro-life) are you?

Many people hear the terms "pro-choice" or "pro-life" and their minds automatically drift to the subject of abortion. But when you think about it, the terms go so far beyond abortion. Of course, abortion is part of what it means to be pro-life or pro-choice, but what about assisted suicide? Or the death penalty? Can you be for one and not the other?

I've given all three of these issues a lot of thought and for a long time, I feel I've been pro-choice across the board. Yes, I (obviously) believe that women should have the right to safe and legal abortions. Yes, I believe that the death penalty can be an appropriate form of punishment. And finally, yes, I believe that terminally ill adults should have the right to die with dignity in the form of assisted suicide. So, I would say that I feel very confident in saying that I am honestly "pro-choice".

And when you consider these two terms, there's one other thing to consider (this was brought to my attention earlier this week). What if you stand somewhere in the middle? What if, yes, you can understand and think abortion should be legal, but you also wish it didn't have to be a reality. Would you be considered pro-solution? Interesting, right? I think most pro-choicers have a little bit of pro-solution in them. I'd even venture to say that many pro-choicers ARE pro-solution types. I, for example, fully support a woman's right to choose, but of course, I would love for abortion to never have to be an option. I'd love for their to be support systems in place for girls and women, for them to make other decisions that may be easier. I'd love for science to advance far enough to where any ailment could be cured in the womb. But until those solutions come into place, I support abortion.

So where do you stand? Not just on abortion, but on all of these choice and life decisions.

A ban that I could really get behind.

Finally, a ban is suggested for a practice that makes my stomach turn. Sex-selection abortion. As in, a woman already has a boy or a girl at home, then finds out she's expecting another of the same, so she terminates. As in, the crap China has in place. Yes, not only is this going on here in the US, but now, the House has REJECTED a ban to stop these types of abortions.

As you all know, I find abortions acceptable in a number of situations. If a girl was being responsible and "life" just happened to her and she honestly CANNOT afford a child, I think it's acceptable (if it's done early....not reason to knowingly wait until 20 weeks for an abortion). If a condition is uncovered where the baby is suffering, or will suffer, I think it's appropriate for a family to be able to make that decision. Of course, if the life of the mother is at risk...by all means. But to terminate a pregnancy because you didn't want one more boy or you didn't want a girl? Seriously? How shallow have we become, as a society that we would throw away a child for such a reason? The least these women could do is carry the baby and adopt him/her out. I can't wrap my brain around this.

How do you feel about this?

A while back, I asked my very conservative, pro-life mother if she would have let me have an abortion if I had been raped and impregnated around the age of 15 or 16 (a point where my body could handle it, but I couldn't, mentally). She said she wasn't sure. That if I was 9 or 10, there wouldn't be a question....but if my body could handle it, she would struggle with that decision.

As a mother of a daughter, who considers herself "involved" with the abortion debate, this is a question I've asked myself many times. For me, it would be a devastating situation all around. I would hate to know that my daughter was violated. It would kill me. It would kill me to see my young daughter pregnant, especially by rape. But the only question from me would be "What do YOU want?" and then to ask her if she was sure of her decision, either way. There would be so many things for her to consider. It wouldn't be my place.

So, if you are the mother of a daughter, where do you stand with this question? What would you do?

So, most readers know that while I am fiercely pro-choice, I also like to keep up with the pro-life side of things just to see what's going on within the debate. Because of that, I follow Secular Pro-Life on Facebook. They're a pro-life group of people from every type of spiritual (or lack of) background and today, they posted this link to their blog. It was a post about how apparently, in 2009, some professor from Oxford University brought up the idea to start using aborted fetus' organs for transplant patients. If that isn't creepy enough, the idea was that if they could convince at least a small percentage of women seeking abortions to carry their pregnancies to a point where the fetus' organs would be viable, they would pretty much be able to clean out the transplant waiting lists. So...let's encourage late term abortions for the sake of harvesting organs?

Now, I have heard of families who have late term abortions for medical reasons, donating their child's body for research or donating what organs they can. But this idea sounds like the guy wants to set up a big preggo-farm where women can get pregnant and get abortions repeatedly, back to back. Creepy, creepy, creepy.

And I think even the most pro-choice people would agree that this is 52 different kinds of wrong on about 10 different levels. Thank GOD, it will never be made legal (not to say it isn't happening SOMEWHERE in the world), but just the sheer thought of someone thinking that it's a great idea gives me the heeby jeebies.

A Mother's Choice

I became a mother at the age of 19. I had been married for only 5 months to my Marine when we found out. I was terrified. But quickly, I fell in love with this little life that was growing inside of me. How could I not? At about 4 months along, we made a move 3 hours north. So, with no friends or family nearby, I spent my days preparing for this new baby that seemed to pop into our lives out of nowhere. At 7 months, I went in for a regular check up with my OB, she measured me and said she was referring me to a maternal fetal specialist because she thought that my measurements may be off. She told me that they would do an ultrasound and check things out. All I heard was “ultrasound”. We had not yet learned the gender, so I was ecstatic to have the chance to find out. I knew nothing about measurements or what ones that were off could mean. After about an hour long scan, we were told that our baby was a girl and that we needed to come back in two weeks. I don’t even remember the explanation they gave us for the return visit. I was so naïve. At the second appointment, we were told that our baby had a big head (if you saw my husband, you would understand why I never thought this was a big deal) and that would probably need a c-section to deliver. I was a little confused when the specialist requested us in his office after our scan and gave us the “all clear”. I had no idea that we were ever not “all clear”.

Between our first daughter and our last child, a son, I learned a lot. As you’ve read before (if you’re a regular reader), I did a research paper in 2010 on abortion. The things that I uncovered shook me to my core. A few months into my research, I came across an online support board, Terminations for Medical Reasons. The stories that I was reading were not the kind of things most people would expect to see when reading stories of abortion.

You see, when most people think of someone having an abortion, they envision a young girl sneaking into her local Planned Parenthood, hidden behind dark glasses and baggy clothes. It seems despicable that a young girl would be making such a life changing decision without her parents knowing, and even that she would be partaking in such dangerous adult actions. They hear the word “abortion” and they think: irresponsible, careless, heartless, murderer. But beyond that, people aren’t giving this conversation much thought. The pro-life side is imagining these young girls leaving their local clinics relieved, and in good spirits. But no one is thinking about the devastated women who are sitting inside of those walls. For some women, this option is no “choice”. As a mother myself, I can sympathize. My daughter starts to wobble on her bike, and I immediately have the instinct to dash towards her to catch her before she falls. My son skins his knee, and seeing him cry is enough to put me in tears. My youngest son stirs in the middle of the night, and I am on my feet and beside his bed. It’s a mother’s instinct to protect her child. So when a mother goes in for a routine ultrasound and her doctor starts throwing words at her like Spina Bifida (a spinal defect),  Arnold’s Chiari  (a brain malformation), myelomeningocele (where the spinal cord and back bone do not close before birth), and enlarged ventricles, a mother goes into protective mode. This was the case for Carol and her daughter, Nora.

Carol went in for her anatomy scan at 19 weeks, 1 day. As she lay on the exam table, watching her sweet baby girl, she had no idea that in a matter of minutes her doctor would come in and inform her of his devastating suspicions. Just a few days later, at 20 weeks, her doctor confirmed the suspicion that Nora had Spina Bifida. How does anyone digest such news? Carol and her husband decided to terminate the pregnancy out of love for their baby girl. What kind of life can a child have under such circumstances? The termination took place at 21 weeks, 2 days. As ironic as it may sound, Carol’s experience was one of the best that a woman in this situation could hope for. She was able to terminate at a hospital in Detroit, with no protestors and compassionate healthcare professionals.

Other mothers, like Nicole, aren’t so lucky. They have to face angry protestors, which only make the act of letting their child go even harder. And one has to wonder, how is it possible for someone to judge another so harshly when the situation is one such as this? Nicole’s baby, Hannah, was diagnosed at around 20 weeks with Trisomy 13. In cases of Trisomy 13, a patient (in this case, Hannah) has an additional chromosome 13, which can cause problems in development such as heart and kidney defects and more than 80% of children diagnosed will die within the first year of life.

Nicole describes her situation as “cold”. Unlike Carol’s hospital experience, Nicole was sent to a clinic and forced to share a waiting room with girls who were there to terminate unwanted, unplanned pregnancies. She even described some as “happy to be there”.  And on top of the uncomfortable waiting room and protestors, the care she received from the staff was lackluster, at best. It is interesting to note that Nicole’s cold experience took place just 4 short months ago. Women are still receiving this heartless, disconnected kind of care.

For some reason, the pro-life side sees these cases (terminations for medical reasons) as no different as a woman just deciding that she doesn’t want to be a mother. And while I am about as pro-choice as they come, the situations are drastically different. You have one woman (or girl) who has an unwanted pregnancy and needs to end it. And you have another who has tried for this baby, wanted this baby, and loved this baby since day one. These mothers are choosing to live in pain every day for the rest of their lives so that their sick babies won’t have to. As a mother myself, I look at these women with complete admiration. How brave would a woman have to be to make that choice? How would you go into that decision knowing that people would judge you so harshly, that your family and friends may not approve, and most importantly, that you would be losing this little part of yourself? I read these women’s stories and the only thing that comes to mind is “selfless”.

In closing, I cannot imagine being in this situation. I’ve had my own scares with each of my pregnancies, and each time, it felt like my world was crumbling…but everything always turned out to be alright. These women don’t get the “all clear”. They get a terrible decision thrown in their faces: carry your sick baby to term and watch them suffer and/or die. OR, terminate your pregnancy and spend the rest of your days trying to heal. Neither choice is easy. Neither choice is black and white. In fact, there seems to be a gray haze over the entire issue. It is a terrible decision to have to make, but one that needs to be made. And it is an option that women and their families need to have. No one ever wants to have to use the option, but everyone needs it in place. To expect women to carry pregnancies to term that may have devastating effects on their own health, their marriages, their finances, and even their other children is wrong. That is the one simple thing about this debate. It is wrong for a woman to not have the option. 

Remembering Dr. Tiller

On Thursday, May 31st, we will mark the 3 year anniversary of George Tiller's death. Of course, as most of you know, Dr. Tiller was shot at point blank range in his church in Wichita on Sunday, May 31st, 2009 but Scott Roeder.

I can't help but wonder what he was doing this time in 2009. Was the thought of assassination weighing heavily on his mind? Was it always on his mind? Did he think he was in the clear? Did he have any eerie feeling that his life was about to end? And if so, did he take the time to let his loved ones know how much he cared? Did anyone around him have an inkling that it was all coming to an end?

What a scary thought to think that any of us, regardless of our political choices, regardless of our personal beliefs, could be snuffed out at any time. Scary to think that at this time next year, people could be marking the one year anniversary of my death. We just never know.

I hope that this year, the Tiller family is able to remember their husband, father, uncle and not think of the horror that Scott Roeder brought to their lives, but of the good that Dr. Tiller was able to do while he was here...the women and girls that he was able to help. I hope that Scott Roeder isn't able to take up a moment of their thoughts....I hope they don't give him the unknowing satisfaction. I hope that they take the day to remember Dr. Tiller's life and not his death.

I'll be posting more closer to the actual anniversary, but until then, let's hear what you think.

The birth control debate

Something that has been weighing heavily on my mind lately is birth control. Funny, since I'm not even on it anymore (my form of birth control was a vasectomy). But with all the bickering back and forth about abortion, why are pro-lifers spending more time and money and research efforts on better birth control? Wouldn't that make more sense that spending all their time and resources picketing abortion clinics and harassing the women who are utilizing these ((legal)) services? If we had better birth control, we'd be able to avoid more pregnancies, which in turn...would lower the abortion rate. C'mon guys, say it with me: lower the abortion rate.

Why is it that we choose to fight when the resolution is so simple?