Too Soon?

I went to a new gynecologist today (I know, but it's relevant to the post). She was going over all of the basics, and asked if I had ever had the HPV vaccine, Gardasil. I explained that by the time it got popular, my doctor told me I was too old. She asked if any of my children were girls and if so, how old was she. Yes, she's 9. She asked me if I had considered getting the vaccine for her. I was stunned. "Of course not! She's only 9! We haven't even had the sex talk, much less considered a vaccine for an STD. Are parents actually doing that this early? I can't even wrap my head around that". If I wasn't stunned enough already, what she said next nearly made me fall off the table...."What I can't wrap my head around is that I had a 9 year old girl on this same table last week telling me that she had already had three sexual partners. We need to start having these conversations earlier and earlier". I took the pamphlet that she offered on my way out.

Nine years old. Three sexual partners. Let that sink in for a minute.

I don't about your children, but my nine year old still spends hours playing with her Monster High dollhouse and trying new nail polish designs. Sure, there have been moments where my immediate thought is, "Whoa, kid, slow down!". I've noticed that she likes to try and wear outfits that I think are too old for her, that she'd give her right arm for me to let her wear make up out of the house. I know that these conversations are coming, and they have to be had. But.....she's nine. My mom never had "the talk" with me, proper. She answered questions that I would ask....and those questions didn't start until I was 12.

When did you have "the talk" with your kids? What was your approach? Is 9 years old too young to receive a vaccine for STDs? Let's hear it!

Christianity Under Attack!

This morning, I opened my email and found an email from a church that I used to attend. Now, don't get me wrong. I still consider myself Christian, still God-fearing, but I've found that my own opinions and views and conscious have taken me a bit "off the path" from what I was raised to believe.

The headline of the email was "CHRISTIANITY UNDER ATTACK!" and it provided three dates to back up the claim. The second claim was "January 22, 1973: Roe vs. Wade. Abortion became legal and the unborn child has no voice". This made me giggle for a few reasons.

At this particular church, I know of two women off the top of my head who have had terminations. One, terminated an ectopic pregnancy. The other, was a 15 year old girl who's grandmother (who also attends this church) forced her to have an abortion. I was friends with the girl and I remember exactly what she was told, "Get rid of it or you're out!". Christian like, huh? I'm willing to bet the number of women in that church who had had elective abortions or terminations for medical reasons would be astounding if they hadn't been scared into silence their whole lives.

Now, going back to the wording, "and the unborn child has no voice". What about the women who are raped? The 12 year old whose uncle takes advantage of her? Where are their voices? Are they allowed to have voices, but not the other women, who's abortions we deem "unacceptable"? And how dare, we, as Christians, judge someone so harshly, be so high on our horses that we think that we have the authority, the audacity, to decide for another woman what is best for her and her family?

I suppose there really is no point to this post other than OMGIHAVEN'TTALKEDTOYOUGUYSINFOREVER and that this particular email just happened to get under my skin. I hope all of you guys are hangin in there, kicking life in the balls as needed.

In the News...

So there's all sorts of interesting news buzzing around the feminist movement right now. My Facebook news feed has been blowing up with stories from Jezebel, HuffPost Women, and all sorts of other news outlets.

First and foremost (and this is huge), the ridiculous South Dakota abortion ban (you know, the obnoxious one that would have outlawed abortions after a fetal heartbeat was detected?) was ruled unconstitutional. Big win here, people. The law was passed last year and immediately (because, well...DUH) challenged. This ban was just about the strictest in the nation when it came to limiting abortion access for women, as a fetal heartbeat can be detected as early as 6 weeks (a point at which many women don't even realize they're pregnant). Seeing as abortion access is already extremely limited in this area of the country, if this law would have gone into affect, it would have completely ruled out the option of abortion for many women.

Today, Mississippi governor, Phil Bryant signed a bill to ban abortion starting at 20 weeks from the start of a woman's last menstrual period. He did this because, well, Mississippi hates abortion and they've done a fantastic job of making it damn near impossible for women to have safe, legal access to abortion care. *Facepalm*

Last week's episode of Game of Thrones has feminists and rape victims raving mad due to a consensual sex scene from the novel which was turned into a very odd rape scene on the HBO series. The episode's director defends this by saying that the sex depicted is consensual by the end of the scene. I won't lie. I am completely confused by this whole shitstorm. And I'm saying that as both a feminist and someone who has been affected by rape.

A few days ago, RH Reality Check asked the question: Is Being a Pornstar Feminist? Now, this is hardly "news" (though it stems from the story regarding the Duke freshman who was recently outed by a fellow student for doing porn to pay her college tuition).
This is quite interesting to me, as I think this question can be answered either way and still be correct. What do you think?

And finally, something that pisses me off to no end. Iggy Azalea (an Austrialian artist) stated in an interview at New York's Hot 97 on Tuesday, that she had to stop crowd surfing at her own shows because her fans kept trying to finger her. Finger her! At her own shows! I read this and immediately, the big red neon sign in my head started flashing "What...the...FUCK?!". How is it that these "fans" (which Iggy said were both male and female) find it acceptable to FINGER a performer?! Someone that they supposedly "respect" and admire. Iggy also stated that she now wears three layers of protection underneath her pants, shorts, or skirts now. This pisses me off and breaks my heart all at the same time.

That's all for now, people. If you've got any interesting tid bits that I missed, feel free to shoot them my way either here in the comments. On our Facebook page or email me at athoughtofherown@gmail.com.

Lindsey Creekmore vs. Jon Bruning

Many of you will remember that early last summer, I posted an article about Lindsey Creekmore. The RN on staff at the clinic operated by Dr. Leroy Carhart.

On Wednesday, March 19th...Lindsey will finally begin her hearing with the Nebraska State Board of Nursing to determine whether or not she will lose her nursing license. It goes without saying that Lindsey needs all of the support that she can get.

The news was released last May that Nebraska State Attorney General, Jon Bruning, had filed a 12 page petition with the state to revoke Lindsey's license. It is important to note that Jon Bruning has a long history of holding a strong pro-life stance.

Included in this post is the original news clip that I viewed when I found out about the allegations last year. Since then, I've gotten to know Lindsey personally and have spent time at the clinic (as you all know). Anyone who knows Lindsey, knows that these allegations are false. Anyone who has spent time at the clinic knows that those allegations are false.

I am absolutely confident that Lindsey will come out on top of this situation, but in the meantime, she needs all the support she can get. If it's possible for you to be in Lincoln for the hearing, please plan on doing so. I will post more details, such as times and any updates that I get as I get them. Please share this article/hashtag with as many of your pro-choice friends/family members as possible.

#ProLindsey

Lindsey's News Interview

A Day in the Life: Clinic Days

It’s 6:30am and typically I’d still be sleeping. But today, I’m wide awake, lying in bed, stomach in knots, and praying to God that I’ll have the energy to make it through a 17 hour day. I know that today will easily end up being one of the most exhausting days of my life, but I’m ready for it. I’ve been waiting on this day for months, one could even say years. Later today, I’ll go to work for my typical 8 hour shift, but first, I’ll spend a few hours learning how an abortion clinic operates-from the inside.

If the idea of observing at an abortion clinic isn’t enough for my mind to process, I won’t be observing at just any abortion clinic. No, I’ll be observing at the clinic owned and operated by Dr. Leroy Carhart (and staff, respectively). Dr. Carhart has been a major player in this movement for years, as he is one of the only remaining abortion providers offering late term abortion services. Because of the late term options he provides, he’s also spent years being the target of violent pro-life extremists, even falling victim to arson at his ranch in 1991. The fire killed 17 of Dr. Carhart’s horses. Paintings of those horses now decorate the walls of his clinic.

For the last few months, I’ve held the title of "intake specialist" for the clinic. Simply put, this means that I obtain information, by phone, for women seeking Dr. Carhart’s services past 21 weeks gestation. In addition to this position, running this blog has also kept me involved in this movement (albeit, on the outskirts) for almost two years now. But for some reason, I feel that by exposing myself to the protestors who are bound to show on this particular morning, I’m involving myself on a whole new level. By meeting these women face to face and hearing their stories and observing procedures, I feel like I’m entering an entirely different arena. It’s a heavy feeling and I’m intensely aware that by the time I leave the clinic today, the views that I’ve spent the last three years defending could change. And still, I can’t bring myself to miss a moment of it.

After leaving home, I stop at the store and load up on energy drinks before heading to the clinic. Once I hit the interstate, my anxiety kicks in. I can’t stop the constant stream of thoughts from going through my mind: What should I expect? How crazy will the protestors be? Will this make me emotional? Am I going to completely humiliate myself and pass out? Will I leave just as strong in my beliefs as before? The questions are endlessly streaming and I can’t wait to find the answers.

It seems like it takes an hour to get to the clinic, but in reality, I’m there within 15 minutes. I arrive around 7:40am to what appears to be one protestor, an older man who seems to have placed signs in the grass with phrases such as "Abortion Hurts Women" and "Men Regret Abortion". If that isn’t annoying enough, he’s also holding a sign that reads, "Today is Kill Day!" in big, bold letters. Once I manage to get into the parking lot (while reading these signs), I realize that there are two women who are on the grass in front of the parking lot praying. I park my car and try to stall because I know the man has zeroed in on me. Within seconds, another car parks beside me and a man and women get out and enter the building together. I finally suck it up and get out of my car and instantly the man is yelling at me, "Don’t kill your baby! Let us help you! You’ll never forget this day…the day you murdered your baby!" In all honesty, I have no idea how to react, so I just mutter that I’m not pregnant and that I’m an employee. He doesn’t believe me, shakes his head and keeps yelling at me not to kill my baby. I walk away and head up the stairs that lead to the clinic entrance. The praying women are waiting for me. They’re very nice and I have no problem telling them that I’m not pregnant and that I work at the clinic. They instantly seem surprised that I’m talking to them and express interest in having a "real conversation" with me for my blog anytime I’m free. I awkwardly walk away and as the door closes behind me, I hear them tell me that they’ll be praying for me.

I’m finally inside the clinic and I feel like I can take a breath. I’m excited to see the girls, but I can’t help but notice the atmosphere in the clinic. There is one patient there, in addition to the couple from the parking lot. No one in the room seems to be any kind of noticeably emotional, though there does seem to be an awkward silence lurking in the room. GMA is playing on the t.v. in the waiting room and Lara Spencer’s perky voice is all that seems to cut through the uncomfortable silence. I laugh to myself at the thought of how excited I am to be here, while all the other girls in the office are discussing one’s recent overnight stay in the local haunted house. It’s about this time that I realize that in my nervous rush to leave the house, I forgot my notebook, so Lindsey (Dr. Carhart’s Director of Nursing) sets me up with a clipboard. I immediately start making notes and she laughs at me. I’m determined to not forget a single detail. Lindsey informs the other girls in the office that I’ll be following them around the clinic today and that I’d like to sit in on educations and procedures. After what felt like forever, the work begins.

By the time I sit through my first education, another patient has arrived. There is no single characteristic that any of these women visibly share. There is a young, married couple that seems down, a girl who is alone and seeking a medical abortion (the abortion pill), and another girl who must be somewhere around my age, who is accompanied by her best friend. They all appear to be from different walks of life. I’m asked if I’d like to sit in on the education for a F.I. (fetal indication) patient and I jump at the opportunity. It turns out that the young married couple (who I previously saw in the parking lot) is there because they just discovered that their baby has a chromosomal abnormality. The woman is devastated, the husband tries to remain stoic, and this is the first patient that I feel some connection with, even though we never speak to each other directly.

Finally, Dr. Carhart arrives and almost immediately jumps into action. I walk into the first patient room to find an older woman, calmly lying on the examining table. Her pregnancy was discovered so early that she did not qualify for a medical abortion. I stand discreetly in the back of the room by the door, so not to make the patient uncomfortable or be in the way. As the woman is being prepped, Dr. Carhart comes into the room and speaks with her, ensuring that she’s comfortable with her decision. All that’s going through my mind is, "This is it. This may change everything. I’m not sure I’m ready for this". By the time those thoughts play out in my mind, the procedure is over and the woman is getting dressed. I’m called over to examine the products of conception (POC) and to my surprise, I see nothing recognizable. Immediately, I wonder why people are willing to kill doctors over this.

The third procedure that I observe is not an actual abortion procedure, but the administration of Digoxin to the fetus and placement of laminaria for cervical dilation. It’s the young married couple. I walk into the room and notice that instead of the patient being distraught, her husband is. She is calm and it’s his turn to cry. He holds it together quite well, holding her hand and speaking with the doctor. Dr. Carhart is incredibly sympathetic to their situation and speaks to them like this is a personal situation for him, as well. It is obvious that they appreciate his compassion during such a difficult time. These types of situations are what originally opened my mind to the pro-choice movement and it’s hard for me to process how this couple must be feeling. After speaking with the husband, Dr. Carhart takes his seat and is given the instruments needed for the procedure. Once the ultrasound screen lights up, the husband buries his head into the examining table and his wife strokes his forehead. The room falls completely silent and as soon as the first part of the procedure is over, the husband falls apart. It’s clear that his heart is broken. I’m still standing awkwardly in the corner, not wanting to make anyone uncomfortable or be in the way, but I notice that he’s looking for something to wipe his face and he’s too distraught to notice the box of tissues that had been sat on the head of the examining table for him. I quietly step over and hand him the box. He’s grateful and thanks me. In the time it takes me to take three steps back to the corner, I’m sure my heart is about to burst through my chest. In handing him that simple box of tissues, I feel like I’m officially involved. Part of me feels ridiculous; part of me feels grateful to be a part of it, even in some small way. I know I won’t be there to see how this couple handles their procedure the following day, and I make a note to ask Lindsey to keep me informed of how they’re doing. And suddenly, it’s real to me. I don’t know these people…I don’t know their story, but it feels personal. This really is a needed service. I like to say that I knew that before, but for some reason, now it’s really hitting home for me.

I see one more F.I. procedure before the day is over. It’s for a couple that I didn’t see earlier, but again, the husband is by his wife's side and it makes me appreciate Dr. Carhart’s way of doing things. The couple is laid back. They discuss their other children with us, the wife jokes and tries to make light of the situation, but keeps bursting into tears. The husband remains calm and strong for his wife. Once Dr. Carhart comes into the room, he asks how she’s doing and she dissolves into tears and says, "This fucking sucks!" Dr. Carhart agrees with her and tries to put her at ease. He handles the situation beautifully and it’s amazing to watch his bedside manner. He ensures that this is the route the couple wishes to take. Throughout this procedure, the patient tries to lighten the mood by making jokes and I admire her for working so hard to hold it together. We all end up jumping in to help lighten things up. In a matter of minutes, this procedure is completed and Dr. Carhart leaves the room to help his next patient.

Finally, I’m standing in for my last procedure of the day. This woman, probably close to my age, is farther along than the rest of the surgical abortion patients and I’m curious as to why she’s waited so long. It doesn’t take long to figure out that it was a financial issue. As she talks with the staff, she’s clearly concerned about any extra costs that she may have to pay. I’m instantly irritated because I know that this service should be more readily available and affordable for women who need it. For women living paycheck to paycheck, an unexpected pregnancy and termination (if she chooses that route) could unravel everything that she’s worked so hard to gain and it appears that that may be the case for this patient. As Dr. Carhart finishes his paperwork after the procedure, I scribble a few extra notes down and start to get my papers together.

Back in the office, I’m gathering my jacket and papers when it starts to set in that the last few hours have changed the way I feel about this movement. The protestors, the patients, Dr. Carhart…all of it has left me with a feeling of overwhelming pride in this movement. For the doctors and nurses and staff members who are willing to risk their own well-being in an effort to provide a safe, dignified place for these women to go in their time of need. Even for the women who are brave enough to recognize that they made need to utilize their right to choose. As I start to leave the building, I remember that protestors will be waiting and suddenly there’s a sickening churn in the pit of my stomach and I feel nothing but disgust for these close minded zealots. How could anyone meet one of these women and dare to judge them? How could they assume that they know what is best for these women and (possibly) their families? What makes them think that they have a say when it comes to a woman exercising her freedom of choice? This time when I walk outside, there’s a different woman by the door and again, I have no problem speaking with her. I’m a little more confident this time around so when she starts preaching, I politely (yet, somewhat sarcastically) tell her that I disagree with her. I state that I CHOSE to have my children and I wouldn’t dare try to take that choice away from another woman. I walk away, and am again told that they’ll be praying for me.

By the time I get in my car and start to leave the clinic, there are about 5 protestors hanging by the entrance. I have to stop for oncoming traffic and while I'm stuck there and they're trying to hand me pamphlets, I crack my window and start blaring Ani DiFranco's "Lost Woman Song". It is ironically appropriate for the moment and I can't help but smile to myself. Yes, the first part of my day is over and instead of feeling exhausted, I'm feeling energized and more confident in my beliefs than ever. There is no way to justify taking a woman's right to choose away from her. Ani DiFranco had it right when she said, "They keep pounding their fists on reality, hoping it will break. But I don't think a one of us leads a life free of mistakes". 

Abortion isn't going anywhere. And outlawing it will only result in more lives lost. The real question of morality lies in whether or not we (as a society) are willing to let women needlessly die?

I can officially say that I know this movement from the inside...which leads me to this: I support the freedom of choice and the physicians and clinic staff that make the choice possible. Where do you stand?

Women on Web

If you're up to date on your abortion research, you know that there are still countries in which abortion is strictly illegal. And the consequences can be severe, to say the least. The women who reside in these countries clearly don't have many options when it comes to terminating pregnancies.

A few weeks ago I received a message on the blog's facebook page from a young girl who was desperate to end her pregnancy, but was in a country where it was illegal. She needed help. She was terrified. She came to me, a simple blogger for help. That should tell you just how desperately she needed resources.

I knew of one possible resource for her. One option that I had learned of about a year earlier that I never thought I'd have to utilize (or help someone utilize)...Women on Web. Women on Web is a website that, depending on whether or not a girl or woman meets certain requirements, can set a patient up with an online consultation with a doctor, and then can mail the women medications to end her pregnancy.

As simple as it sounds, this one website is making a huge impact in the lives of desperate women. If you'd like to contribute to this amazing organization, you can do so by visiting this link: https://www.womenonweb.org/en/donate . In order to run such an operation, they can use all the financing they can get. And women around the world will benefit from your generosity.

If you have any similar resources, please private message me on facebook or send an email with links to AThoughtofHerOwn@gmail.com.

What are we teaching our daughters?

About a week ago, right after my 6 year old started 1st grade, it occurred to me that this is the point at which we usually start telling our little girls that the boys on the playground are mean to them because they "like them". A few years later, we start wondering why our daughters start choosing to spend their time with assholes. There's something wrong here.

For some reason, I can't stop thinking about this. We (as a society) are teaching our daughters that it's acceptable for boys (or men) to treat them like crap because it's basically a sign of affection. What the hell are we thinking? Personally, I want to teach my daughter to kick a boy in the shin if he's mean to her on the playground. Of course, the school systems tend to get a little asshurt over those things these days.

We can't keep teaching our daughters these things (consciously or unconsciously) and wondering why we're seeing so many good girls with assholes, so many bad relationships, and so many girls devaluing themselves in order to stay in these shitty relationships. Let's start teaching our girls to value themselves....to reserve themselves for guys that respect them...that it isn't a sign of affection for a boy (or guy) to be a shit to them.

How do we start changing these "norms"? How do we start the process of breaking the cycle? Let's talk!