For Those of Us with Daughters...

As most of you know, I have a daughter. I feel an enormous responsibility to instill certain things in her, in a way I suspect my husband feels towards our boys. I worry often that she is seeing certain things reflected in me that she may start to do herself, thinking that it's the "norm". For example, I've had body image issues for as long as I can remember (and that goes back to about age 4). I've always had to fight to maintain a certain weight, and to make peace with certain things about my appearance (though my biggest issue is obsessing over my weight). A few months ago, I was in the bathroom getting ready when I saw her step on the scale, wait for a number to come up, and then get excited, "30! Yesssss!". The scale did say 30.something lbs. But I don't think she knew what the number meant. But she has seen me step on the scale so many times, and either breathe a sigh of relief or step off, completely disappointed with myself. This is not a trend that I want her to start.

One of the things I worry about most, is that she won't take the opportunity to further her education with college and establish a career and life for herself before settling down to get married and have children. Don't get me wrong. Marrying my husband and having our children has been the highlight of my life. But it's also been hard. Hard in ways that I never want her to experience. Hard in ways that could have been prevented by me finding myself before I settled down. I want an easier path for her. And to be honest, I lose sleep sometimes worrying about how I'll explain to her why she should wait to settle down when I jumped right in.

Another thing, and this is a big one. We live in a world of "mean girls" and I don't want that for her. I want her to be a nice girl. Not in a 1950's prudish kind of way (though I won't complain if she's that kind of nice girl, too!). But in a simple "I'm a nice person" kind of way. I do not want her to be the girl that is so jealous of other girls that she can't maintain a friendship with any females. I do not want her to be a bully. I do not want other girls to be wary of her, whether or not they can trust her around their boyfriends, whether or not they can trust her to keep a secret, or whether or not they can safely approach her. I want her to be smart and steer clear of drama, because it will certainly find her on it's own. As women, we have to start raising nicer girls. If not, they're going to end up killing each other (*facepalm*).

As mentioned before, it is so important for her to know that she is more than just a body or a pretty face. She has to understand what it means to be beautiful on the inside, and how much more important that kind of beauty is. Her self worth has to depend on more than her looks. Mine never has and I don't want that for her.

When she decides that she's ready to become "active", she should know how to protect herself, and it's my job that she does. It's equally important that she feel comfortable to talk to me about it if she needs to (though I can't promise that I won't have a nervous breakdown once she leaves the room). It's really important to me that she understands the gravity of this decision (because not many young people grasp this), and the impact of the possible consequences.

It's important that ZoeJane knows that she deserves the best when she decides to settle down. She needs to understand that she doesn't have to settle for anything. It's important for her to know that she's worth the wait for the right person. She needs to know that she doesn't need to be with someone to be happy, but that with the right person, her happiness can be increased. Showing her that she deserves respect is key. And teaching her that she also has to give respect where it's due is also important. Mutual respect is the secret to success in any relationship, especially when it comes time to settle down and share your life with someone.

And finally, something that I'm working on now: She has to believe that she can do anything that she wants. Once she has children (if she chooses to do so), she is not tied down to children and a home. She can choose to stay with them or to be a working mother. She needs to understand that changing her last name doesn't have to mean losing herself. And if she chooses to follow the same path I have, she needs to know that it's never too late to better herself.

So...for those of you with daughters, what is important for your daughter to know?

How old is old enough?

Today, I was reading Jill Stanek's blog and I saw this picture:



Of course, Jill Stanek was appalled that these women were standing here with each other, supporting something that meant that had any of their pregnancies been inconvenient (specifically, the daughter and granddaughter) they could have killed their child off. And they're all smiling about it. She finished off by saying that they were all "whacked" (side note: right after that last sentence, there is a list of Do's and Don'ts for Stanek's comment area...the first being DO criticize ideas, NOT people).

Clearly, I don't agree with Jill on this one. One reason being that I fully believe that PP provides a whole array of services to men AND women. Anyway, I saw this picture and I immediately noticed how young this little girl looks. She looks no older than 11 or 12 years old. Which brings the following question to mind: How old is old enough when it comes to explaining women's rights in regards to abortion?

This may be because I have a 5 year old daughter, and I know that eventually she will learn about these things. And I've always been a firm believer that when your child asks questions, you answer them. But in this case, if she happened to overhear something on the news regarding abortion and asked me about it, I don't think I'd feel comfortable explaining it to her yet. Part of me feels like this issue (abortion) should be handled when a girl (or boy) becomes sexually active. Wouldn't it fall somewhere in that conversation? Of course, that makes me think about all the little girls who have been raped and needed abortions at age 12. How awful! To be honest, I can't imagine when it would be the right time to discuss abortion with my daughter. But I know I wouldn't be comfortable with it ANY time soon.

So, the question here is...How old is old enough when it comes to the topic of abortion?

The London Olympics

I don't typically follow the Olympics, but a few days ago, something was mentioned on the news that really struck me. This is the first Olympics in history where every competing country has women competing! Really?! It's 2012. We've fought for voting rights, abortion rights, equality in the workplace, and here we are...just now getting women from every country competing in the Olympics? Yes, I realize that different countries do things different, but still...I was in SHOCK when I heard this!

I hope that when my daughter is my age, these shocking equalities are a thing of the past. I hope that she is able to hold a career and make as much as her male counterparts. I hope that if she has a problem with a pregnancy, she has the right to do as she sees fit. I hope that she exercises her right to vote and make her voice heard. We *have* to keep working, and protecting the progress we've made, if for no other reason...for our daughters.